Stress Reaction

My betta buddy Norman admiring himself in the mirror.

1. I am an unashamed and ardent fan of the Twilight and Harry Potter series.

2. I love fast cars.

3. I am passionate. When I do something, I do it well, and with passion. If, after a reasonable amount of time, I cannot do something well, then I quit doing it. (There is one notable exception to this. Those who know me well know what this exception is).

4. I love music. I don’t play an instrument, read music, or have any knowledge of what makes music work. I’m just glad it does.

5. I am addicted to my Nike+. (Thanks Karen)!

6. I love my work. I am blessed with having chosen a career with stability. It is never boring, and I never dread going into work each day, which I have learned a lot of people do.

7. I hate to budget.

8. My job pays me well, which is good, in light of #7.

9. I have a good eye for photography. Unfortunately, I am lazy about taking pictures, so I miss a lot of great shots.

10. I love to knit.

11. I wear hand-knit wool socks most days between November and April.

12. I have more sock yarn collected than I can ever possibly knit by hand.

13. I bought a working antique sock-knitting machine last year, though I have yet to master using it. Meanwhile, the sock yarn collecting continues….

14. I am a techno geek. I update my computer about every two years and my cell phone yearly. My home has WiFi, and my computers, TIVO and the Wii are all wireless. I set it all up myself.

15. I took HTML classes online last year and built a website from the ground up, just because it looked like fun. It was. But I’m done with that for now.

16. My kids are happy, healthy and not in jail, and they think I am a “cool mom”.

17. I consider motherhood a success.

18. I can be very impulsive. This has led to poor decisions in the past, and though I have regrets, I would not change the past, because it has made me who I am, and I like myself.

19. I have one tattoo. I plan on expanding that, but I have this thing about tattoos having meaning and being connected, so I am working with an artist on a theme.

20. I have dreamt since Junior High School of being a writer.

21. I love to read.

22. My husband has suggested that if I read less and write more, I might actually realize my dream.

23. I consider this a challenge.

24. I look forward to Eternal life. This life is fun, but I chafe at the limitations, be it time, money, age or whatever.

25. I truly believe that success and happiness in life are self-limited.

1.Get to the tag agency when it opens to renew drivers license and get new passport photo.
2. Continue to smile politely while they take my license photo…twice. And my passport photo…twice.
3. Arrive only three minutes late to my appointment with the dental hygienist.
4. Drive to the passport office and wait only five minutes before realizing I don’t have my birth certificate.
5. Drive home and get my birth certificate and social security card, just in case….
6. Drive back to the passport office and wait 35 minutes in front of a closed, locked door that says knock/ring bell for service.
7. Restrain myself to two rings and one knock (but was glad that the guy in line behind me rang twice too).
8. Continue to smile politely while the passport agent comments that the tag agency photographer “didn’t do you any favors, did they”?
9. Stare with incredulity at the passport agent when he states that my just renewed license might cause the Department of State to question my citizenship.
10. Provide the passport agent with birth certificate, social security card, Sam’s card, and two credit cards (account numbers blacked out) to bolster my claim of citizenship.
11. Smile politely for a third set of passport photos (the ones from the tag agency where off center).
12. Drive to work and see 15 patients.
13. Drive home and….
14. Watch American Idol.
15. Feel very productive.

Laundry day at the knit-sock-sweatshop

This woman I used to work with (the Unhappy Woman) used to mock me (with most people it could have been considered teasing, but I didn’t like her and she didn’t like me, so we’ll call it like it was) about my $1,000,000 socks.

Now a $1,000,000 might be a bit off the mark, but realistically? Sixteen pair at an average cost of $20 (a very conservative estimate, as those of you who regularly purchase sock yarn can attest) a pair = $320. On socks. And that’s not including labor, needles, stitch markers, knitting bags and the various accouterments that make this hobby so enjoyable.

I am blessed indeed.

Last Wednesday was a bad day.

Today and, in reality, most days are good days. Last week was stressful and tiring and I got sick this weekend (the less said about that the better), so I think I was coming down with something.

But you guys are awesome! So much love and support and prayers and good wishes and good advise. And I’m not putting it to waste. I promise. Because even though today is a good day, and most days are good days, those bad days do happen. And they are not fun when they happen.

So I have a plan. And a loving group of friends to help me follow the plan. Yes, I am looking at you!

1. I am going to seek out a grief counselor. Maybe what I am going through is normal, but it will help to hear that. And I could definitely use some coping skills to help me on those bad days.

2. I am going to start walking everyday. I know all about endorphins, and it’s time to kick those suckers into gear.

3. I am going to join a local Pilates studio. I used to do Pilates religiously about 10 years ago and not only did I love it, but I was in the best shape of my life!

4. I am going to start spending more time doing the things I enjoy. Like photography, and reading, and knitting, and less time wasted on watching stupid TV like COPS (Sorry hubby, and anyone else who likes COPS and shows like that. Nothing against them, but I think they are stupid and the only time I like it is when they taser the bad guy and he screams like a little girl. Doesn’t matter how big he is, he screams like a little girl. Now if they made a show that was nothing but tasering of bad guys, that I would probably watch, thereby revoking whatever humanitarian memberships I have)!

5. I am going to start researching my trip to Europe! Whoo and Hoo!!!

My sister and I have booked a Mediterranean cruise for the end of May. And I am so excited! We are flying into Barcelona a few days early, and then we embark on a 7-day cruise with several stops in Italy, France and Spain.

So, no more yarn shopping*, but lots of cruise knitting coming up. I’ve got visions of myself standing at the railing with the beautiful Mediterranean water in the background and a lofty lace scarf blowing back with my hair in the gentle breeze! Can you see it? I can!

*I am such a big, fat liar! Within an hour of this post I scored some Sweet Georgia Yarn. But it's Sweet Georgia! Who can blame me? Not to worry, though, I'm still on track for the rest of the "plan"!

For the last 18 months I have been pretending that this isn’t so.

But the truth is, I feel broken, the pieces scattered.

And if I am committing to blogging most days of this month, I’m going to run out of bright and cheerful things to say.

I don’t have a lot of experience with depression. Anxiety I know. We are long acquainted and get along the majority of the time. But depression is unfamiliar to me. I’m not sure how to negotiate this new landscape. Or how long I should expect it to last. How long do you grieve for your mother?

Even the things she said that used to piss me off, like Wednesday’s child is full of woe (usually said when I did something to piss her off). I don’t know if she was predicting my future, or hers with me, but it was something she used to tell me all the time.

Full of woe.

The bead thing is absolutely killing me. I love the beads. I want to bead everything I knit for the rest of my life! I’m a bead addict! (My addictions are intense, but short lived!)

But which beads with which yarn? I’ve cast on this stole twice, but I’m thinking the third time is going to be the charm. The dagger beads look great with the Olive, but I think the pink beads look even better. Any thoughts?

Hanging Garden Stole by Sivia Harding
Fleece Artist Suri Blue in Olive and Ivory

Some people rave about New Mexico skies.

If I can do them justice, I think Oklahoma skies can compare.

Shall we spin?

Light afternoon. Lot’s of flu shots on the schedule, which means a lot of work for my nurse, but not so much for me. And I need that after yesterday and this morning, days which tested my endurance, my patience and my dedication to my field.

So, Friday afternoon, new socks on my feet, FUTAB!

What’s not to love?

Monkey Socks
Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in Spring Forward