Stress Reaction

There is a stone on my chest. Or maybe it’s in my chest. Where my heart should be. It sits, heavy enough to make shallow the breath, until the moment comes when I realize that I haven’t breathed, and I must, though the effort is great.

If I were an artist, I would paint the world as I see it now. I walk, into the wind, and I talk and smile and even laugh at times. The trees are green and beautiful on my drive to work. It has rained almost every day since my mother died, but when the rain stops, the sky is a brilliant blue with snowy white clouds. But if I were an artist, I would have to wash the whole picture with the grey of the rain, even when the sun is shining.

There are more birds in my backyard than I ever noticed before. I sit, sometimes for an hour or more and watch them as they fly and sing and build their nests. There is so much life there.

Life all around me, but not touching me, until suddenly grief rears up and tears at my heart and my lungs and my thoughts until I feel as if I might drown. And then I breathe again.

I'm way overdue for some Thank you’s, so without further ado, I give you (in order of arrival):

Thank you Beth!

Beth sent me a Third Day CD and some lovely note cards and sticky notes (great for keeping notes on pattern modifications) “just because”. The CD is hugely inspirational and uplifting and I listen to it a lot. Beth, you were so right about this CD being a great comfort. It reminds me with each listening to rely on God to support me though this difficult time. Friends like you are a blessing too!

Thank you Lisa!

Lisa was my Bloomin’ Feet* sock pal and she did a fabulous job. The yarn is STR in the Apple Valley colorway and the pattern is Central Air from BMFA. The fit is perfect Lisa, rest assured! In addition to the lovely socks, Lisa included a skein of Schaefer Anne in Flamingo which was my “dream yarn” on the BF questionnaire. Candy and some lovely cinnamon oatmeal soap were tucked in the corners of the box.

Thank you Elizabeth!

Elizabeth was my Special Swap** partner and special does not begin to describe Elizabeth’s thoughtfulness in putting together my package. Early on she asked me about my dream vacation (the theme of this particular swap). When I told her it was to travel to Greece, Elizabeth put together a vacation package to rival any travel agent on earth. The list of goodies is exhaustive, and forgive me Elizabeth if I forget anything. My vacation included a Greek cookbook, a Greek tour planning guide, a journal to record my travels, note cards to write home, floral post-its (can’t have too many of those), some lovely scented soap, a blue, green and white candle and a jar of Greek olives. To get me in the Greek spirit, she included the DVD Zorba the Greek and some CD’s featuring the music of Greece. To remember my lovely vacation, Elizabeth also included a Greek key chain and six skeins of Tweedy Cotton Classic #479 (Aqua Twist), two skeins of Koigu in a lovely sea blue and a skein of Cherry Tree Hill Supersock in the Spring Frost colorway.

Beth, Lisa and Elizabeth all included chocolate and candy in their thoughtful packages, none of which made it to the phone shoot. I’m sure you all understand.

* Bloomin’ Feet and Toasty Toes are small intimate sock swaps hosted by my good friend Amanda. She does a fabulous job with these swaps as well as the Yarn Aboard swaps and is to be commended once again on the conclusion of a successful exchange. Amanda, my dear, you rock, as always!!

** The Special Swap is another small swap hosted by my friend Lynne. Lynne does a wonderful job of matching swappers every two months and coming up with fun themes to inspire us. Great job once again Lynne. I am proud to claim you as a friend!