For the last 18 months I have been pretending that this isn’t so.
But the truth is, I feel broken, the pieces scattered.
And if I am committing to blogging most days of this month, I’m going to run out of bright and cheerful things to say.
I don’t have a lot of experience with depression. Anxiety I know. We are long acquainted and get along the majority of the time. But depression is unfamiliar to me. I’m not sure how to negotiate this new landscape. Or how long I should expect it to last. How long do you grieve for your mother?
Even the things she said that used to piss me off, like Wednesday’s child is full of woe (usually said when I did something to piss her off). I don’t know if she was predicting my future, or hers with me, but it was something she used to tell me all the time.
Full of woe.
Comments (12)
The loss of your mother may not be the only thing you feel grief or depression over. Perhaps you could find someone to talk to who could help guide you through.
Posted by margene | November 12, 2008 3:35 PM
Posted on November 12, 2008 15:35
You know there's no answer to the question of how long you grieve your mother. Mine has been gone 11+ years and I still miss her. I wouldn't say I grieve anymore, and I've certainly worked through some crap, but I do still miss her. Have you considered anti-depressants? The stress of all of this may have knocked your serotonin levels out of whack. But you're a doctor and you don't need medical advice from me.
Posted by Carole | November 12, 2008 3:45 PM
Posted on November 12, 2008 15:45
I don't have anything helpful to say. But in my small day and my small world, I think of you.
Posted by Emily | November 12, 2008 4:03 PM
Posted on November 12, 2008 16:03
You mean there is a time limit for grieving? I didn't know. I still grieve my fiance that died in 1997.
You should look at the Kubler-Ross model for grieving. Sometimes we can get stuck. I just looked it up again recently as I've been diagnosed with MS and have been going through all the stages.
I hope you start to have some healing. xoxo
Posted by Stacey | November 12, 2008 4:08 PM
Posted on November 12, 2008 16:08
I really don't have anything helpful to SAY, but I'm sending hugs!
Posted by --Deb | November 12, 2008 5:04 PM
Posted on November 12, 2008 17:04
I lost my Mom 16 years ago and I still miss her, acutely so at times. That kind of stress and loss can trigger a depression. It did for me. If you are feeling "broken" it can be hard to mobilize but there are things you can and should do. AND if it makes you feel any better... I'm a Wednesday's child too... I understand "full of woe". xo M.
Posted by marnie | November 12, 2008 6:49 PM
Posted on November 12, 2008 18:49
I don't have any helpful advice either. Is there someone you know through work that you can talk to?
Thinking of you!
Posted by Karen | November 13, 2008 8:58 AM
Posted on November 13, 2008 08:58
Leah, I'm sending up prayers for you. I know you don't enjoy being full of woe.
Posted by katie | November 14, 2008 11:37 AM
Posted on November 14, 2008 11:37
a beautiful pictoral for the emotional issues you are facing.
depression and grief are not the same thing, dear Leah..... and complex bereavement is something that many fall into.
a professional grief counselor can help to determine whether it is indeed depression or grief... either way, they both deserve assistance.
The loss of your Mother is a major life event - and not one to tread lightly with. I'll be glad to talk with you some more if you would like to.
in the meantime, I send ((hugs))
Posted by Teyani | November 14, 2008 11:17 PM
Posted on November 14, 2008 23:17
I think the right time for you is the right time for you and no one else's time frames really matter in this case. I'm sending you hugs as you work through it and I'm always here if you need it. You are not alone! =)
Posted by keri | November 17, 2008 12:23 PM
Posted on November 17, 2008 12:23
I hope that you are feeling a bit better when you read this.
Grief can be devastating. I have lost a child and a fiance and know the funk it can send you into. It can take years to work thru it all....but thankfully time does make it a bit easier.
Teyani is right....it may be a good idea to talk with someone to help you work thru it. Sometimes just having the permission to unload helps so much.
Best wishes and healing thoughts.
Posted by Kim | November 18, 2008 7:58 AM
Posted on November 18, 2008 07:58
Leah, I can relate. This past year has been so emotionally draining,with my surgery, JR's cancer and my dad passing away. I know I have so much for which to be thankful, and I am, but the truth is, some days are overwhelming in their sadness. Blessings to you, my friend. You are loved and prayed for
Posted by Lynne | December 12, 2008 2:11 PM
Posted on December 12, 2008 14:11